Parenting by The Book: Biblical Wisdom for Raising Children Book Review
Book: Parenting by The Book: Biblical Wisdom for Raising Children
Author: John Rosemond
Publisher: Howard Books
Hardback; 266 pages; 2007.
Having written books about parenting and family development, I am all too aware of the glut of books in the market on these topics. It’s difficult to find works that either say something new or offer practical and viable insights. John Rosemond’s book, Parenting by The Book: Biblical Wisdom for Raising Children, accomplishes both of these feats.
Before we go any further, let me warn you: Rosemond believes that spanking a child is appropriate, when done properly. If that turns you off, don’t buy the book. Interestingly, as I write this, there have been 47 customer reviews of the book on amazon. Of those, every single customer rating has been at the extremes: 28 people gave it a “1” (the lowest rating) and 19 gave it a “5” (the highest rating). Every one of the negative reviews pontificated about the horrors of spanking children, how Mr. Rosemond is advocating “child abuse,” how relying on “antiquated” ideas in the Bible has been “proven” to be ineffective, and how his book is perpetrating “violence against children” that will do them “irreparable harm.” So be forewarned. If you consider spanking inappropriate, avoid the book. If you think spanking may have a place as one tactic in a larger pool of parenting strategies, then consider this resource.
By the way, despite the singular focus of the criticisms, the book is not about spanking. It’s about parents taking control of the child-rearing process and intelligently applying biblical principals to raising children.
Although Mr. Rosemond is a psychologist, he does not spout the party line when it comes to raising children. In fact, one portion of this book is devoted to questioning the foundations of his field and dismissing the widely-adopted views of psychologists and psychiatrists, including esteemed names like Freud, Skinner, Gordon and Briggs. A former devotee of such giants of the field, his experience in counseling and raising children (and grandchildren) has dramatically altered his perspective.
He notes that psychology does not address the reality of free will, and explains why children struggle with lying, self-centeredness, defiance. He dismantles the practice of punitive parenting – a common version of behavior modification that typically leaves parents bewildered and frustrated. He reveals the myth of self-esteem, which has been a foundation of child-rearing for decades.
As noted, perhaps the most controversial aspect of this book has to do with the rejection of behavior modification strategies because, in his words, although behavior mod works well with some animals, “humans are not animals. Possessing free will, humans can successfully resist the manipulations of behavior modification.” His argument against the use of punishments and rewards as the means to getting children to adopt viable behavior is worth considering.
In place of progressive egghead theories he returns to what he calls “Grandma’s wisdom” – that is, insights drawn from our elders, who raised children with a sensible and effective mixture of biblical wisdom and common sense. Somehow, such practices got lost in the psych-babble shuffle of the past half-century.
One of the wonderful things about Rosemond’s work, including the advice he dispenses in his nationally syndicated column on parenting, is the practical nature of his recommendations. He also has a compelling way of juxtaposing competing activities and outcomes: self-respect vs. self-esteem, character vs. achievement, flexibility vs. rigidity, assignments vs. follow through, emotional release vs. stoicism, and so forth. And his arguments are based on scriptural passages that are not taken out of context nor stretched beyond recognition.
Each chapter takes on an important component of child-rearing, provides some useful anecdotes to illustrate his points, and ends with a set of questions that can help focus a discussion or even personal reflection.
So many of Mr. Rosemond’s suggestions parallel what was revealed through my research among effective parents, as described in Revolutionary Parenting. Perhaps that simply shows the consistency that emerges when people are seeking to implement biblical guidance into their parenting efforts.
